Existential anxiety

QUESTION: As a background to my question, I would like to explain that since I was very young (my parents say six) I have had periodic episodes of anxiety and panic due to thoughts about the uncertainty of death, not understanding who we are and why we are here, leading to an overall sense of meaningless and hopelessness. This has reoccurred several times over the years. I am now 43. I discovered eastern religions starting in high school through books, felt a real connection to the concepts, but never engaged in practice. In the past few years my interest resurged and I bought a number of new books, including Zen Therapy by David Brazier, which probably impressed me the most. I have read it a couple of times. This got me interested in some form of practice. I didn't know any groups here so I have been meditating on my own, but don't feel much is happening. This year I have suffered two really extreme periods of anxiety and panic. I am currently having another serious episode of anxiety and panic. I cry a lot. I really need help. I read on the Questions part of your website the following advice: “I would not recommend meditation to anyone with major psychiatric illness as what people in that condition generally require is not more introspection but more reality contact. I would be wary of offering meditations that involve attention concentrated upon bodily processes, such as the breath, the heart beat, or other body functions, to people prone to anxiety states or currently experiencing major grief since this may well make them worse rather than better.” I don't know whether I would say I have a major psychiatric illness, but I am definitely prone to anxiety states. My question is what course of action is recommended for someone like myself?

DHARMAVIDYA: Dear Stephen, I sympathise. Panic is no joke. Our approach to Buddhism here at Amida Trust is based on shinjin. Shinjin is commonly translated as “faith” but this translation throws as much shadow as light. At a simplistic level we could say “trusting the process of life” or “naturalness”. Obviously I do not know a lot about you so whatever advice I give might need some fine tuning. As a broad response to your problem I would say “Go outdoors, look at plants, rocks, the sea, rivers. Don't think over much, just look.” We do a practice that is called sunset meditation - we stand and watch the sun set and chant “Om Amitabha Hum” over and over slowly as we watch it go down until the last bit of red light disappears. Or you can look at the moon and chant “Namo Quan Shi Yin Bo Sat”. Or you can just look. Don't do this trying to control the anxiety. Do it paying attention to the object – the moon, the sun, the earth, the wind.

Some anguish is natural and appropriate. Life is bitter sweet; comforting and lonely all at the same time. In Pureland practice we channel these feelings into our practice – not to overcome them, but to celebrate the fact that they are what life is all about. We are not trying to be perfect in any way – we are just foolish beings standing in a wonderful light.

Do write more if you wish, but not until you have spent some time with the natural elements. The first meditation that the Buddha gave to many of his disciples was the meditation on the earth element. He would have them spend time meditating on rocks, clay, the solidness of things. Start there.

Warm wishes
Namo Amida Bu
Dharmavidya